Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Losing Independence ?

Last sunday's "The Hindu"-> Open Page featured an article about Women Losing independence after marriage. It struck a nerve as I was discussing about something quite similar just a few days back.

The example the author had quoted was this. Her well educated and well employed colleague was engaged to a guy abroad and when she wanted to go out with some friends for a party, she called him for permission and he refused. The girl did not go.I bet the thought in most of your minds is "So what?"... right?Do you think if the guy had been in the girl's place, he would have even thought of getting her permission?

We were sitting at the canteen eating lunch and in the course of our discussion my friend casually commented, how his sister hated cooking but after marriage she has no say but to cook. Everybody noddded their head like it was something common (and sadly it is)

I know this lady who got a great job offer in India and her husband got one abroad. There was no question of her taking up her offer, instead she quit her job to follow her husband. Sounds Familiar???

A girl married off even before completing her studies and in the family way, Pronto!, despite her wishes. Why? "Its God's wish, what can we do?" (I had to bite my tongue to not say anything for that excuse)

After waiting the longest time, this friend of mine got a chance to go abroad. She was quite excited about it and she did leave too. Hardly four months later she was forced to come back ... her husband was not sent by his company and he was not ready to go on a dependent Visa.

In so many interviews with Kiran Bedi, they ask her how her family and husband have adjusted to her work and if they approve of it. Have you ever had the same questions asked of a male policeman?

I can go on quoting more examples...

Yes! I do know of a few cases (a very few instances) where the guy has adjusted to the girl's requirement. But in these cases the men are so feted for being so understanding (and don't mistake me, I am real glad to know and see such men do exist), while when the same is done by the girl it is taken for granted.

While there is a lot of talk about equality and modern thoughts, traditions and out dated values still bind us very tightly, stopping us from making much progress . :-(


Tamanna said...

When the extended family opposes the girl's progress, at times it might not surprise you also, cos they belong to an earlier generation.
But when the guy opposes or even keeps his mouth shut, when something like this is done to his wife, thats unforgivable and very selfish.
The lady sacrifices for her husbands sake and for general happiness, but I'm dead sure that in a small corner of heart, she'll retain this regret forever. Not at all the foundation for a perfect relationship.
We can coin a new saying - Behind every woman's fall, there is a man and more than one woman at work ;-)

Poorni said...

My idea of equality of men and women is not like an eye for an eye instead it is the respect given for every decision or compromise a women takes at the family upfront. I believe a woman being able to take care of the family is equal in all sense to a man who goes out and earns. Of course a man can also do the home making and woman can earn but I feel she is better off in the former part than a man. The bottom line is home making or compromising a career for a family is not a bad decision after all:-)) It is as good as seeking a new job with a better prospects.

Sanjana said...

Its not a question of who does what poorni.. but are they doing it because they want to do it and are their likes and dislikes being given equal importance.

If u ever get a chance to read George Orwell's "The Animal Farm".. The pigs will say "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others". Its like that here too.

RS said...

Hey Babe! just have 1 thing to say - Guess am very lucky in this aspect! *touch wood*!